Monday, July 27, 2009

Soul Matters

Welcome, dear reader. Come in, sit down, have a mug of coffee or a cup of tea. Find a comfy spot and read a while, rest, open your mind, and maybe find thoughtful contemplation. Everyone is welcome here. You stay may be as long, or brief as you feel necessary for your journey. While you are here, it is my sincere hope that you find a bit of what you need and leave some of your care and dead weight behind.

I have a present struggle. One I both love with deep affection and loathe with equal fervor. It is the longing for a power mate. I walk this plane in service to my sisters of the flesh; a champion for those who are lost and confused about the powers God, the creator gave them to fight in this realm. I give with all my heart and all my soul because it is what I was created for, to teach my sisters that God created them beautiful and unique in their own design. That we are the fairer sex, gifted with powers that transcend those bestowed on the male gender. Those attributes do not make us the weaker sex, it makes us the wiser sex. Over and over in God's own word, He refers to wisdom in the feminine. God fashioned us with words and fondness for language and communication for a reason. Our words can turn away wrath, harm, and even heal. Our tongue is a magnificent sword and we do not need massive physical strength to wield it. What we DO need is confidence found in a serene spirit; that allows wisdom to shine through and make wise choices. That is also why we were created to be man's mate...His perfect consort. Even in my almost fourteen years of marriage, I never had a true mate. It was a lonely existance. One that I hope to rectify with this worlds marital "divorce." A body, mind, and soul purging...Recovery, renewal, rebirth.

Year by year his methodically sucked the life out of me. I was dying. I took my child and ran. Now, I am safe on the other side. But in terms, I've only been away from that abuse but a small fraction of time, although my recovery has been miraculously rapid in many ways. Why the longing for a power mate? Why endanger myself like that again? My human-ness demands of me: "NO! Not again. NEVER again. They are ALL like that; terrible, selfish, incapable of life-giving love and affection. They only use leave you to slowly wither away to nothingness." My eternal-ness says: "No, dear one, this is not the truth and we must always stand in truth. There is one out there for you. Your true power mate. He will come when it is time. Not to worry."

I do not know if it is actually a worry or a random rhumination, but I do wonder. Is there really a male out there who is strong enough to be MY power mate. I cannot deny that I am strong willed. I expect great things of myself and hold myself to very high standards. So, if he is strong enough to be my power mate, is he gently and affectionate, and insiteful enough to minister to my heart, mind and soul when I am exhausted? Does such a man exist who can love and adore me for who I am? The woman caught in the middle of two planes of existance? The eternal stranger. Down-home country girl? Chef who specializes in fine cuisine? Percieved to "fancy" and sophisticated for the one set, and not well turned out and affluent enough for the other...

There are nights like tonight when exhaustion is rampant when I long for that power mate to be here. That relationship established with a Godly man so I do not have to be strong, but lay back and rest and be protected and feel safe. Complete. Right. Whole.

This may be a long wrestle. One that no dating website or bull like that will find the person I need. Good Night all.

1 comment:

  1. The moment that you stop looking, that is when your power mate will come. The one who shall bring you up when you are down, the one who will love you for all of your strong willed-ness and your stubborn-ness. The one who will be worthy of the beauty that is know you have it. You know in your heart what you need and desire. Just let it come. (yes...I am trying to find mine as well but also trying to follow my own advice, not very easy!)