Monday, July 27, 2009

Soul Matters

Welcome, dear reader. Come in, sit down, have a mug of coffee or a cup of tea. Find a comfy spot and read a while, rest, open your mind, and maybe find thoughtful contemplation. Everyone is welcome here. You stay may be as long, or brief as you feel necessary for your journey. While you are here, it is my sincere hope that you find a bit of what you need and leave some of your care and dead weight behind.

I have a present struggle. One I both love with deep affection and loathe with equal fervor. It is the longing for a power mate. I walk this plane in service to my sisters of the flesh; a champion for those who are lost and confused about the powers God, the creator gave them to fight in this realm. I give with all my heart and all my soul because it is what I was created for, to teach my sisters that God created them beautiful and unique in their own design. That we are the fairer sex, gifted with powers that transcend those bestowed on the male gender. Those attributes do not make us the weaker sex, it makes us the wiser sex. Over and over in God's own word, He refers to wisdom in the feminine. God fashioned us with words and fondness for language and communication for a reason. Our words can turn away wrath, harm, and even heal. Our tongue is a magnificent sword and we do not need massive physical strength to wield it. What we DO need is confidence found in a serene spirit; that allows wisdom to shine through and make wise choices. That is also why we were created to be man's mate...His perfect consort. Even in my almost fourteen years of marriage, I never had a true mate. It was a lonely existance. One that I hope to rectify with this worlds marital "divorce." A body, mind, and soul purging...Recovery, renewal, rebirth.

Year by year his methodically sucked the life out of me. I was dying. I took my child and ran. Now, I am safe on the other side. But in terms, I've only been away from that abuse but a small fraction of time, although my recovery has been miraculously rapid in many ways. Why the longing for a power mate? Why endanger myself like that again? My human-ness demands of me: "NO! Not again. NEVER again. They are ALL like that; terrible, selfish, incapable of life-giving love and affection. They only use leave you to slowly wither away to nothingness." My eternal-ness says: "No, dear one, this is not the truth and we must always stand in truth. There is one out there for you. Your true power mate. He will come when it is time. Not to worry."

I do not know if it is actually a worry or a random rhumination, but I do wonder. Is there really a male out there who is strong enough to be MY power mate. I cannot deny that I am strong willed. I expect great things of myself and hold myself to very high standards. So, if he is strong enough to be my power mate, is he gently and affectionate, and insiteful enough to minister to my heart, mind and soul when I am exhausted? Does such a man exist who can love and adore me for who I am? The woman caught in the middle of two planes of existance? The eternal stranger. Down-home country girl? Chef who specializes in fine cuisine? Percieved to "fancy" and sophisticated for the one set, and not well turned out and affluent enough for the other...

There are nights like tonight when exhaustion is rampant when I long for that power mate to be here. That relationship established with a Godly man so I do not have to be strong, but lay back and rest and be protected and feel safe. Complete. Right. Whole.

This may be a long wrestle. One that no dating website or bull like that will find the person I need. Good Night all.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Getting to Know You

Welcome, dear reader. Come in, sit down, have a mug of coffee or a cup of tea. Find a comfy spot and read a while, rest, open your mind, and maybe find thoughtful contemplation. Everyone is welcome here. You stay may be as long, or brief as you feel necessary for your journey. While you are here, it is my sincere hope that you find a bit of what you need and leave some of your care and dead weight behind.

Today, I want to talk to you about getting to know yourself. If you are of my generation, you were very likely raised in an environment where sex was not spoken of, and self exploration was a sin. While our parents did us no favors, they had nothing to draw on themselves. The good news is, every day is a new day and you can make a new choice. If you are in limbo with who you are, and what you need, it's time to make a change. If you have daughters, you especially owe it not only to yourself, but them, to get to know yourself, and become comfortable with who you are and what it is that you need; on every level.

What is it going to take, personally, for you to let go and give yourself permission to court yourself? What is it going to take to convince yourself that you are worth getting to know? What is it going to take to allow yourself to believe that getting to know what your needs are is indeed important and paramount to your happiness? You know that if you don't know what it is that you want, what you need, and what you desire, you are likely to end up in an un-fulfilling relationship?

You are asking yourself why you would end up in an empty relationship. I know you are, and my friend, it is really quite simple. If you don't know what will please you, how can you expect someone else to know what will please you?

Are you mentally lonely? Do you feel like you have lost all hopes and dreams? If so, you are dying. A life without learning and interests to stimulate your brain is a walking death. You were created for a purpose and unless you pursue discovering your gifts and purpose, you have no life. It may take time, but explore. Get to know what it is that you are interested in; dig out old dreams and passions you may have sacrificially lain aside...Read, surf the web, join an interest group that catches your attention; volunteer to do something you have never done before. Sooner or later, something will capture you. When it does, it will give you new strength. Involving yourself in the groups will also take care of emotional loneliness.

Feeling physically isolated? Your innermost needs and desires put on a shelf and left to gather dust? Stop waiting! Until you can love yourself, no one else will either! What makes you feel loved? Do you know? Maybe it's time you find out. You don't need a lot of money. What you do need is patience with yourself and a little creativity. Perhaps even some gentle, affectionate nudge in the right direction.

Give yourself a gift. The best one is to take yourself out to dinner and really treat yourself! It does not have to be some fancy 5 Star destination like The French Room at the Hotel Adolphus, just something that you like. Even if it's as simple as buying yourself an appetizer and a glass of wine at a place you've never tried before. When you love your surroundings, feel relaxed and pampered, you will be amazed at how little food it takes to help you feel satisfied.

How about a bath with a few candles? Add a little soft music, a favorite book, a nice beverage, and voila! You have a wonderful self indulgence. While you are there, do yourself a favor. Softly, gently soap your body. Take your time and notice how your skin feels. Is it soft? How would you describe it? Focus on the feeling; wordlessly tell yourself how much you appreciate every inch of your skin as you describe it to yourself. Notice your curves. They are special curves; unique only to you. Whatever shape they are presently, they are yours and your deserve for them to be loved; from the inside out. Let your fingers gently trace them and get to know them. There is not a part of your body that does not deserve to be touched by you...Appreciated by you.

Have you ever looked at yourself? Examined yourself? You are beautiful! Every single part of you is simply amazing. You need to see you; every bit of you. The warmth of a bath, or the soft, cool comfort found in the sheets of your bed. Take a hand mirror. Lightly, reverently open yourself; smooth back the petals and look. This is you; the core of your intimate self. Take all the time in the world that you need to touch, explore. There is not-one-thing wrong or unholy about it. God created this part of you too. Get to know it as well as you know your face, and understand what pleases you. It won't happen all in one day, evening, moment, but with time and multiple "dates," you can change the course of your own life. Understand more about what it is that you need and open yourself up to desires that perhaps you've never known you've had before. Find a tasteful, discreet toy site. I highly suggest: Eden If you are not experienced in the art of self love, then start slow, read, do your homework, as for advice, and don't be afraid to experiment. You need this. It is one of the most healing powers I have come to know.

I, dear reader am on the journey too. Let's travel together. Every moment is the beginning of a new day.
Until we read again~

Monday, July 13, 2009

Self Absorbed

Greeting dear reader. Welcome to the Sword and the Butterfly, an elegant way-side inn. Are you thirsty? What is your pleasure? Do you require wine? Perhaps spirits of some sort? The house specialty is a lovely Peach Vodka and Ginger Ale drink that I concocted myself. It is sure to please the palate and lighten your senses. Are you hungry? My culinary talents are renowned. I promise you won't be disappointed. Perhaps what you crave is a little more... personal? Our rooms are luxurious and created for the utmost discression of our guests.

Perhaps that is what you need... crave the most. Some personal time to relax and indulge your senses. Remind yourself that you are beautiful; that every single part of you was made by a God who loves you. A God that made you the crowning glory of creation if you are woman. Let me check you in to one of our luxurious suites. There are large tubs, selections of candles, bath salts, and other feminine luxuries. There are books to engage your mind and images to entertain your senses. Perhaps, you need some time to become self absorbed. Get in touch with yourself. Behind this door, you will find something special just for you:

Gentle man, if you have perchance stopped here as well, God has made you to; in his image and as the care giver of all creation. You have a big job. Have you found the queen of your garden yet? Do you behold her as such? If you have lost your way, please, take your ease and rest. Find yourself again before you return to the cares of the world. I do have a few suites specially outfitted for my masculine travelers. But, please understand, at The Sword and the Butterfly, we specialize in healing the broken souls of the feminine species and re-uniting her with the true power of being a woman.

Within these walls, it is my true hope that you will find something that touches, heals, strengthens, or reveals that which you need the most.

Lady Liv